the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
