i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
