Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
