Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
