and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
