Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
