You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
