I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I can't put those talents on a resume
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
