I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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