Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
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