So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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