I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
