If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
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