that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
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