I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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