I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
