I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
