considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
