Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
