i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Randomize