I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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