woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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