I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Let's get the cat blown out
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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