Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
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