She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
My life is pants optional.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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