please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
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