Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Randomize
