I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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