He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
