i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
