a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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