Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
