sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
