Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Found your dick twin last night
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize