Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
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