it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
