Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
