just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
