is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
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