you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
