Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
