No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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