I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Someone shit on the floor
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
