It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
