I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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