"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
