Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize