we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
