Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
