I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
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