I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
