Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
