Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
