got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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