as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
