I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
