MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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