apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize