I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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