Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
