My room smells like vodka and shame
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize