You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
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