epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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