he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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