I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
