Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
