can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Randomize
